Revised Ways to Annoy the Goblin King
by Erik's little bird
Summary: Yes, there are more! Thank you, CoffeeKris! Also, in the interest of making this more story-like, Jareth is reading over my shoulder...
1. Chapter 1

Ways to annoy… **_The Goblin King_**

1. Tell him he looks "kind of girly in all the makeup."

2. Provide the Fireys with chainsaws and axes.

3. Lock them in his castle.

4. Teach the goblins to play baseball.

5. With his crystals.

6. Ask him why his appearance at the masked ball didn't strike the same cord as Erik's did. (The Phantom of the Opera, for all you non-phans.)

7. Force him to listen to you as you chatter mindlessly. It should sound something like this: "So then Hoggle said that Sarah said that the Fireys told him that Ludo told them that the Helping Hands told him that the Wise Man tfuold them that Sir Didymus told him that the False Alarms told him that YOU told VOLDEMORT that Harry Potter is a measley little git."

8. Break his crystals. All of them.

9. Sell directions to his castle on e-bay.

10. Chase him with scissors trying to give him a haircut.

11. Set him up on a blind date with Umbridge.

12. Or Mary Sanderson.

13. Roll his eyes when he threatens you with the Bog of Eternal Stench, and ask if that's all he can do.

14. Make him go on a show like American Idol.

15. Pay Simon to judge and insult him double.

16. Make him sing the FUN song.

17. With Hoggle.

18. Make any one of Sarah's friends king.

19. Make him spend the day with Mary Poppins.

20. Without his magic.

21. Force him to spend quantity time with Lockheart.

22. Dunk him in the Bog of Eternal Stench.

23. Ask him if he knows the Muffin Man song.

24. Repeatedly.

25. Ask him, (every five minutes,) how old he REALLY is.)

CoffeeKris says: 26. Pat him in chocolate and surrender him to the mercy of the  
fangirls/goblins/chocoholics.  
27. Repeat whenever possible.  
28. Sing the Presidents of America "Peaches" song as often as possible, loudly  
and off key.  
29. Teach it to the Goblins.  
30. Tell him Billy Rae Cyrus called and he wants his mullet back.  
31. Refuse to get his name/title correct.  
32. Put child guards all over the Escher Room. Can't have the kids on the  
stairs!

**Disclaimer:** No, I don't own it. No matter how much I wish I did.

**Author's Note:** More to come. Suggestions are appreciated, and you will get credit for them.


	2. Chapter 2

Ways to annoy… **_The Goblin King_**

1. Tell him he looks "kind of girly in all the makeup."

2. Provide the Fireys with chainsaws and axes.

3. Lock them in his castle.

4. Teach the goblins to play baseball.

5. With his crystals.

6. Ask him why his appearance at the masked ball didn't strike the same cord as Erik's did. (The Phantom of the Opera, for all you non-phans.)

7. Force him to listen to you as you chatter mindlessly. It should sound something like this: "So then Hoggle said that Sarah said that the Fireys told him that Ludo told them that the Helping Hands told him that the Wise Man tfuold them that Sir Didymus told him that the False Alarms told him that YOU told VOLDEMORT that Harry Potter is a measley little git."

8. Break his crystals. All of them.

9. Sell directions to his castle on e-bay.

10. Chase him with scissors trying to give him a haircut.

Jareth walks in: And, uh, what are you doing?

Me: Nothing!

Jareth: You are trying to get me to say it. It won't work. (Jareth walks over to computer and reads. Then starts laughing.) You're going to have to do better than that!

Me: (continues typing)

11. Set him up on a blind date with Umbridge.

12. Or Mary Sanderson.

13. Roll his eyes when he threatens you with the Bog of Eternal Stench, and ask if that's all he can do.

14. Make him go on a show like American Idol.

15. Pay Simon to judge and insult him double.

16. Make him sing the FUN song.

17. With Hoggle.

Jareth: (grimace) So cruel. If I really existed, you WOULD be in the Bog right now.

Me: (rolls eyes) I know; that's what makes it fun.

18. Make any one of Sarah's friends king.

19. Make him spend the day with Mary Poppins.

20. Without his magic.

21. Force him to spend quantity time with Lockheart.

22. Dunk him in the Bog of Eternal Stench.

23. Ask him if he knows the Muffin Man song.

24. Repeatedly.

25. Ask him, (every five minutes,) how old he REALLY is.)

Jareth: But I'm proud of my age!

Me: Oh, yeah? Well, (continues typing)

CoffeeKris says: 26. Pat him in chocolate and surrender him to the mercy of the  
fangirls/goblins/chocoholics.

Jareth: (smiling at the concept of fangirls)

Me: Typical.

27. Repeat whenever possible.  
28. Sing the Presidents of America "Peaches" song as often as possible, loudly  
and off key.  
29. Teach it to the Goblins.  
30. Tell him Billy Rae Cyrus called and he wants his mullet back.  
31. Refuse to get his name/title correct.  
32. Put child guards all over the Escher Room. Can't have the kids on the  
stairs!

**Disclaimer:** No, I don't own it. No matter how much I wish I did.

**Author's Note:** More to come. Suggestions are appreciated, and you will get credit for them.


End file.
